Monthly Archives: November 2014

This Chicken Lover walks into a bar

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Almost as soon as I got the idea for this joke, I ran into a problem because there didn’t seem like a way to come up with a punch line.  It was like staring at a recipe and realizing I didn’t have the key ingredient.  And then, like the pop of chicken dropping into hot grease, it hit me…

This Chicken Lover walks into a bar with a couple dozen of his friends.  The bartender steps out from behind the bar, as if to greet them, but instead, scoops them up into a mixing bowl and carries them to the kitchen.  He quickly adds an egg wash, gives them a good flour coating, and then drops the whole bunch into a fryer.  A few minutes later, he’s proudly serving happy hour appetizers.  One of the patrons in the bar, screams out, “You can’t serve those, that’s cannibalism.”  “No it ain’t,” says the mixologist.  “There’s a misspelled word at the start of this joke.  These are chicken livers.”

Glasses on the bar 6a

It’s glasses on the bar time!  Read how to vote.

This Roll of Quarters walks into a bar

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This is for Jessica at Wells Fargo Bank in Martinez, CA., who sold me some twenty-five cent pieces and in all her years of banking , has never heard of a joke about a $10 roll of them.  Neither had I until after I promised I’d write one for her and came up with…

This Roll of Quarters walks into a bar wrapped up in a brand new orange overcoat and calls out, “You’re looking at a new man.  Yesterday I was just a bunch of spare change lying around but today is my birthday and I want to buy everyone a drink.”

Suddenly cheers erupt, high-fives are exchanged and the bartenders start pouring beers.  Someone hollers out, “How old are yah?”  The roll beamed proudly and said, “This morning I became forty.”

Glasses on the bar 5a

Can I get some glasses on the bar please?  Read how to vote.

This Hat walks into a bar

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An NHL player slaps a puck into the net for the third time in a game and thousands of hats float onto the ice; a graduating class is presented to friends and family as caps are tossed joyfully into the air; and in moments of solemn reflection, hats are removed and held over the heart.  But a hat can’t walk into a bar, can it?

This hat walks into a bar and jumps up on a bar stool, calling out to the bartender, “How ya doin’ Mac?”  He gives the barkeep his order and pushes himself back on the stool to relax after a hard day’s work.  Just as his eyes slip shut, the sound of his drink glass being placed on the bar startles him.  He jerks up straight, loses his balance and tumbles off onto the floor.  The bartender runs around the bar to make sure he’s OK and then starts laughing uncontrollably at the site of the poor little hat on the floor.

He picks himself up off the ground, dusts off his brim and snickers at the bartender while climbing back onto his seat.  “Well, I guess that’s one rumor about you we can put to rest,” he says with a tease in his voice.  “What are you talking about?” the bartender replies.  “That you’ve got such a sour disposition, a team of comedians couldn’t get a chuckle out of you” the hat retorted.  “We know that can’t be true because you just laughed at the drop of a hat.”

Glasses on the bar 4a

Time to set up glasses on the bar.  Read how to vote.

This Cloudburst walks into a bar

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Eating lunch and staring at droplets of water splashing on a window, is not necessarily conducive to creativity.  But maybe it was the falling H2O that sparked a connection with my memory and I began to wonder if a famous composer could be woven into the fabric of a joke.  Suddenly, like being drenched by a monsoon type storm, it hit me.

This cloudburst walks into a bar and is about to order a round of drinks when a sprinkle, that had preceded the downpour into the tavern, squeals excitedly and points toward a table in the back. “It’s him,” she cries. The heavy shower looks where she’s pointing and with a sudden, wide-eyed grin, immediately breezes toward the man. Just as the torrent reaches his table, Burt Bacharach looks up, smiles resignedly and says, “Raindrops keep falling on my head.”

Glasses on the bar 3a

It’s glasses on the bar time…read how to Vote the Joke!