Author Archives: 2elderpreneurs

Is It or Isn’t It?

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I’ve already received 16 Happy Birthday greetings on my Facebook page this morning but I wonder if any of my friends ever stopped to think that April 1st might not actually be my birthday.

This is not my first April Fool’s Day joke on this site but it is a more personal one. When I was born, my dad’s mom told my parents, with great urgency, that if they didn’t legally change my birthdate, her little grandchild would go through much agony growing up, as people made fun of him every April 1st. My folks didn’t go along with her idea!

I don’t recall much about any verbal ‘beatings’ I had on this particular day of the year and, although I’m sure some of Grandma’s concerns were valid, what I do remember is how I turned my birthdate into the best one of all 365. Here’s how it’s looked more times than I can count.

“Good to meet you”, or something similar, someone would say. From there, the conversation would touch on things like, where do you live, what type of work do you do, what schools did you attend, and, of course my favorite, when were you born?

“April 1st” I’d always say and then just sort of look at them with that ‘are you really going to think I’m telling the truth’ look. Their response was almost always verbal disbelief. “No way” or “You’re kidding” or a number of other responses would spurt forth from their mouth.

It would take me a while of explanation but almost always, they would eventually keel over to my side and say, “Wow, that’s really amazing”…which was my queue for the great finish.

“Of course”, I would say, using my most ‘is this really true’ tone of voice, “if it wasn’t April 1st and people believed it was, wouldn’t that be the best April Fool’s Day joke ever?”

The varied looks of surprise, doubt, wonderment, and many more were priceless to me but I could always expect a similar answer, which gave me one more opportunity to spin their minds around.

After digesting what I’d said, I’d get that look of ‘am I falling off the truth into a batch of fiction’ and they’d say, “So you mean you weren’t born on April 1st?”

With that statement, would come my final bit of communication…a quizzical look with absolutely no acknowledgement one way or the other about their question. Basically, I left them hanging, just as I’m doing to you right now!

Welcome to a Whimsical Woman

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My Wonderful Wife Ellen, joins the Laughter League of Walks Into a Bar today, with her own style of humor and very first joke. And to think that it all started because of the phone ringing this morning. Meet “Wifely Wit“.

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I think my wife Ellen’s new nickname should be ‘Quick Draw McIntyre’. 

She got a call today, on her California cell phone, from an area we lived in over six years ago. It was probably someone trying to ‘sell’ us something and the lady said, “Hi, I’m looking for Scott.” [that would be me]

Ellen, without missing a beat, replied, “Hi, so am I.  Do you know where he’s at.” 

The lady immediately hung up.

Did I get another one or what?

Now, if that wasn’t enough to get me laughing (and it was), it didn’t stop there. A little later, when I told her about the creation of my new joke genre (Wifely Wit), she goes, “Oh, well it’s good you didn’t call it ‘Witless Wifey’.”

I laughed again, even knowing I could never do that because it would be so untrue.

Is there room in your day for another chuckle? Check out these other team members of the Laughter League.

This Cardiac Specialist Walks Into a Bar

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This cardiac specialist walks into a bar and tells the bartender he needs the strongest drink they have because of a potential work overload he’s facing, due to some terrible news he just learned at church.  Concerned, and a little confused, the mixologist asks him what he heard.

“The church is hosting a Christmas carol event later this week”, he began, as tears started to pour down his cheeks, “and one of my friends told me it was very likely that people would be singing their hearts out.”

This Load of Pea Gravel Walks Into a Bar

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We were having some yard improvement work done by M.K.B. Lawn Care and, as is often the case, I was trying to be funny with the crew.  Unfortunately, I wasn’t having much success, so I thought I’d focus on my specialty.  I told one of the guys I was going to work on coming up with a ‘walks into a bar’ joke on what they were installing.  In less than 10 seconds, he came up with a joke, which I’ve just slightly modified below.

This load of pea gravel walks into a bar and takes a seat.  When the server arrives and asks what he’d like to drink, the landscape feature shakes his head and says, “Just bring me some chicken wings.  If I drink anything now, it will go right through me.”

This Computer Mouse Walks Into a Bar

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I’ve written jokes about some pretty strange things walking into a bar, such as a rake; a tube of lipstick; and a tape dispenser; so you probably won’t be surprised to learn that a computer mouse has already been featured here. But that little critter was part of the Five Amigos, while today’s techie is in a world all her own.

This computer mouse walks into the bar, orders a drink and then jumps up on the counter and starts controlling everything in the room.

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Can I Tickle Your Fancy with Some Other Funnies?

Knock Knock

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There’s a lot I love about my wife, and near the top is her sense of humor. Not only can she be funny, but her speed at coming up with the jokes sometimes leaves me laughing so hard, I’m nearly breathless; as in today’s first ‘Couple’s Comedy‘ post.

We were heading off to sleep one night, when I asked my wife if I could tell her a Knock-Knock joke I’d just created. Here’s how that exchange took place…

  • Husband: Hey honey, I’ve got a new Knock-Knock joke. Can I share it with you?
  • Wife: OK.
  • Husband: Knock-Knock…
  • Wife: I’m too tired to get up and answer the door.

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BOOM! My laughter exploded (and so did hers) and there wasn’t any way I was going to share my joke with her then. Why bother…we already had all the laughter we could handle. I never resented not being able to tell her my new funny, and especially not, a few months after the initial incident, when I began to tell ‘her’ joke to people, and realized I had no recollection of the Knock-Knock joke I wanted to tell her that night.

Seeking Subsequent Snickers?

Garbage is Garbage…Sometimes

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Most would agree that minimizing air pollution is a good thing and in the San Francisco Bay are, where we used to live, Spare the Air Day is a big deal. But not many people realize the need for that same type of attention toward other aspects of life, that rhyme with air, and that why I’m involved with Chuckle Control.

People expect things to perform as they desire and often react negatively toward a piece of furniture or an appliance that doesn’t meet their standards. Perhaps that’s why I became upset when the seat I was using on our outdoor patio wobbled and suddenly collapsed, sending me to the ground.

It was my intention to haul that piece of trash out to the garbage but my wife, realizing what I was planning on doing, gently got my attention. “Honey,” she said, “We can’t throw that away. We need to have it repaired and continue using it for seating…it’s a Spare the Chair Day.”

Up to Something Else Funny?

Where Did THAT Come From?

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My wife and I were talking earlier today and I used a common euphemism for a ‘too busy’ life. Suddenly, it was like, there must be a joke there and I went online to start finding some images I could use for the implement that takes the wrinkles out of cloths and the backyard feature that often warms people in the cold months of the year. And before I knew it, I came up with…

This Head of Romaine and Head of Iceberg Walk Into a Bar

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So what’s a guy to do when his wife is eating a huge salad for lunch and they’re watching depressing news about the Covid-19 situation?  Simple, he takes some of her ingredients and creates a joke out of them.

Since you’re already here, lettuce show you around a little…

 

This Balcony Walks Into a Bar

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You may admire the beautiful deck over the garage at your friend’s home but probably never give any consideration to what life must be like for these great household features.  Well., I’ve got news for you…it’s not always rosy as you’ll see in today’s story when…

This balcony walks into a bar and steps toward the bartender.  Suddenly, these two people march in front of it and order their drinks.  When the balcony is able to order again, a young couple pushes it aside and then put in their drink requests.  This keeps happening until finally, the bartender says, “You need to stand up for yourself and take charge.” And the balcony says, “It’s ok, I’m used to it, people walk all over me regularly.”

 

 

 

Well now that I’ve told you how challenging life as a balcony can be, I imagine you’ll want to find a platform where you can tell the world about this issue.  To help, there’s a link to this article on our Facebook page, so you can get the word out.  And, don’t forget to vote…check out these easy ‘how-to’s‘ if you’re unsure about the process.