Author Archives: 2elderpreneurs

Triple Threat Tips – Vol 1

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Tongue firmly in cheek, he introduced a new series of jokes to his readers by stating…

If the “Books for Dummies” series is any indication, people need help with many of the basic issues of life.  Therefore, as I want to assist members of the worldwide community by sharing the many things I’ve learned, starting today I’ll be regularly posting some great tips and tricks for various aspects of living.  I can’t imagine your life won’t be greatly enhanced by some, if not all, of my ideas, so sit back and relax while I launch the first collection of ‘Tips For the Times‘.

DIY Recycling – 30 minutes after getting off your bike, hop back on

Preparing Meals – An easy way out of a tough jam is switching to peanut butter

Fashion – Tuck your wallet and other personal items into your cheeks and then add a zipper across your mouth.  People will be so impressed to see you pursing your lips.

Want More?

Here’s a few suggestions to keep the laughs coming…

This EMT Walks Into a Bar

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Our first responders are, thankfully, always there for us but sometimes, like in today’s story, the emergency turns out differently than they expected.  But it all started when…

This EMT Walks Into a Bar and is startled to see a woman lying on the floor and no one showing any concern.  Rushing toward her to help, he asks the bartender over his shoulder, “Any idea what the lady’s problem is?”  The man drawing beer, says, “Oh she just fell for a pick-up line.”

Time to Vote

 

 

 

 

 

Before you vote, hop on over to this Google search page of ‘Tributes to First Responders’ and check out some of the great things said about these wonderful people.  Then, if you don’t know how our voting works, check out this helpful page.

 

This Rake Walks Into a Bar

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Today marks another WIN for me in the W.I.A.B. Challenge.  Seven submissions so far and three jokes completed puts me at a 42% success ratio and I’m not done yet.  But now, all I can say to Chrissy, my latest challenger, is…

This Rake Walks Into a Bar and buys a round for everyone in the house.  The owner walks up and starts thanking him profusely for his generosity and then tells his patrons who they can thank for their liquid surprise.  Amazed by this act of sharing with strangers and appreciating the joy he’s evenly distributed around the pub, the customers start applauding and cheering, but the little scraper stands and says, “Please, it’s no big deal.  I’ve made it my life’s work to spread things around.”

Time to Vote

When you’re done laughing, hope you’ll take a  moment and place some glasses on the bar as your way of voting.  Need to learn more about how to vote?

And if you want to find out when new jokes are completed and I’m victorious again, use the sign up form (near the top of the page) to get updates.

The Eyes Have It

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Today marks the inaugural joke in my Kid’s Konfusion Laughter Category, and as I hope you’ll see, life as a child is not exactly what our eyes might tell us at first glance.

A boy starting kindergarten, a few weeks after school has begun, is told by the principal as she leads him to his classroom, “Your teacher will introduce you to each of the pupils in class, so you’ll know everyone and feel right at home.”  At the end of the day, he tells his folks how fun it was to meet the other kids.

The next week, he has to miss school because of some vision problems.  His mom takes him to the eye clinic, where the ophthalmic technician starts by saying, “I’m going to need to look at your pupils.”  The young patient looks ups and says, “You can’t…they’re all at school today.”

This Lipstick Tube Walked Into a Bar

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Usually, makeup is found in the bathroom. Occasionally, it might accompany you in the car, especially on longer excursions.  But you’ll not find it out shopping by itself, attending a concert, or standing in line waiting to vote in an election.  But having a drink now and then is another story so I wasn’t surprised when…

This Lipstick Tube Walked into a Bar and ordered a round of drinks for the house.  As the guests were being served and learned of their benefactor, they stood and applauded the cosmetic specialist.  The bartender let her know the tab, and a look of embarrassment and horror suddenly crossed her face as she realized her wallet was at home.  She immediately called everyone’s attention to her situation and began explaining, in meticulous details, not only the current humiliating story but others that had plagued her through-out the years. The bartender finally said, “Stop!  Why are you going on and on?”  The tube looked up and replied, “Because I’m not the type that just glosses over things.”

 

 

 

When the laughing ends, voting starts!  Don’t know how…check out our simple instructions and then vote your heart.

 

Clean Up Your Act Doctor

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I think I’m going to report my doctor to the medical authorities, for willful failure to maintain our hospital’s, clearly posted, and required health standards.

Recently, after the good M.D. had completed our appointment and was preparing to leave, I stood and moved toward the sink in the room.  I placed myself on one side of it and asked him if he didn’t think he should bring the next person being treated to stand on the other side facing me, so that he could comply with the clear instructions on the sign.  When he looked at me questioningly, I pointed to the directive over the washbasin (here’s the exact sign with the section in question clearly marked) and said, “Don’t you want to follow the requirements and wash between patients?”

Showing his total disdain for my concern, he laughed and then, while continuing to chuckle, walked out the door.  I felt like he thought the whole thing was a joke.

You just read my first Sign-a-tology joke but there’s so much more to laugh over (I hope) on my site and for a sampling you can check out these other Laughter Categories…

And of course, if you’re not brave enough to jump into a joke unprepared, you could always hop on over to the page where I sort of define what types of jokes each of these categories will include.

This Knife and Spoon Walk Into a Bar

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Everyone knows that bars keep a supply of eating utensils for their guests, but did you know there was a set of cutlery that stopped regularly at their favorite alehouse for a drink?  One night, though, something happened when…

This Knife and Spoon Walk Into a Bar and the bartender, used to seeing the full set of silverware together, says, “Where’s your four pronged friend?” “Oh,” the sharper of the two replies, “we passed a sign and he got out of the car to help the fork in the road.”

 

 

 

 

Hope you’ve had your laugh for the day and are ready to vote for this joke.  Check out the process to get started and then maybe check out one of these other Laughter Categories…

 

 

This Duck Walks Into a Bar

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Unlike my five most recent subjects of walks into a bar jokes, a daily deals coupon; computer mouse; tape dispenser; school bus; and urinal, most people would agree that a duck can, of course, walk into a bar.  I obviously think the others can too, but that’s what sets me slightly apart from some of my readers.  What humanity might not expect is for any bird to actually strut it’s stuff into a drinking establishment.  But that’s exactly what happened, so be prepared for your wings to flap hilariously as…

This Duck Walks Into a Bar and orders his favorite drink.  The server delivers the beverage to the table and the duck looks up at him and says, “Excuse me, could I get another glass…this one’s quacked.”

 

 

 

 

Hope that was all I quacked it up to be and that you’re ready to vote.  Check out how to make sure your ballot is counted and then get to work.