Category Archives: Familiar Sayings

Is It or Isn’t It?

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I’ve already received 16 Happy Birthday greetings on my Facebook page this morning but I wonder if any of my friends ever stopped to think that April 1st might not actually be my birthday.

This is not my first April Fool’s Day joke on this site but it is a more personal one. When I was born, my dad’s mom told my parents, with great urgency, that if they didn’t legally change my birthdate, her little grandchild would go through much agony growing up, as people made fun of him every April 1st. My folks didn’t go along with her idea!

I don’t recall much about any verbal ‘beatings’ I had on this particular day of the year and, although I’m sure some of Grandma’s concerns were valid, what I do remember is how I turned my birthdate into the best one of all 365. Here’s how it’s looked more times than I can count.

“Good to meet you”, or something similar, someone would say. From there, the conversation would touch on things like, where do you live, what type of work do you do, what schools did you attend, and, of course my favorite, when were you born?

“April 1st” I’d always say and then just sort of look at them with that ‘are you really going to think I’m telling the truth’ look. Their response was almost always verbal disbelief. “No way” or “You’re kidding” or a number of other responses would spurt forth from their mouth.

It would take me a while of explanation but almost always, they would eventually keel over to my side and say, “Wow, that’s really amazing”…which was my queue for the great finish.

“Of course”, I would say, using my most ‘is this really true’ tone of voice, “if it wasn’t April 1st and people believed it was, wouldn’t that be the best April Fool’s Day joke ever?”

The varied looks of surprise, doubt, wonderment, and many more were priceless to me but I could always expect a similar answer, which gave me one more opportunity to spin their minds around.

After digesting what I’d said, I’d get that look of ‘am I falling off the truth into a batch of fiction’ and they’d say, “So you mean you weren’t born on April 1st?”

With that statement, would come my final bit of communication…a quizzical look with absolutely no acknowledgement one way or the other about their question. Basically, I left them hanging, just as I’m doing to you right now!

This Good Day Walks into a Bar

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Here comes the second entry into the W.I.A.B Challenge.

This Good Day walks into a bar that he’s never been to before and steps up to order a drink.  Sam, the barkeep walks over and says, “Good day, what’ll you have?”  Stunned, Mr. Dawn-to-dark replies, “How did you know who I am?”  Sam grins and says, “Hey, we just try and be a cheery sort of place because we know that sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name.”

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Check out the voting scale and then place some glasses on the bar for this joke.

 

This April Fools’ Day Joke Walks into a Bar

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Donald Trump just received President Obama’s endorsement…

You’ve just won $5 million dollars…

Don’t move there’s a giant bear standing right behind you…

We all know how each of those statements would end, if we heard them on April 1st, but did you know April Fools’ Day Jokes have a life of their own?

This April Fools’ Day Joke Walks into a Bar and joins a queue at the non-alcoholic mixed-drink center.  He smilies at the lady in front of him, who suddenly looks a little apprehensive.  She finally relaxes when they move forward and she gets her drink without any prank from the little guy behind her.  Thankful that he’s next, the mischief maker steps up to receive his libation, and the bartender apolgizes for the delay.  The little shenanigan just flashes him a big grin and says, “No problem, a good punch line is always worth the wait.”

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This Acronym walks into a bar

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Way back near the beginning of this blog I wrote about a joke featuring acronyms and today, that joke has come to fruition.  In the event you’re not comfortably conversant with chat talk, follow the links in the story below as you read the tale of how…

This Acronym walks into a bar and hops up on a stool. The bartender strolls over, all smiles, and says, “How you doin’ tonight my friend?” “GR8,” the little abbreviation replies. “Can I get you a beer?” says the barkeep. “PLZ, Y2K.” The barkeeper fills up a glass, delivers the cold beverage to his friend, and gets a hearty “TYVM!”

After a few minutes, the mixologist returns and asks, “Is there anything else I can get for you tonight?” “NO,” replies the acronym with a smile. The bartender, clearly puzzled, says to himself, “I wonder what he meant by that.”

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How many glasses on the bar do you vote for this one?  Read how to vote!

This Fork walks into a bar

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When most people say something they regret, there are several next steps.  Mine, after such a situation occurred the other day with my wife, included identifying a new ‘walks into a bar’ joke…

This Fork walks into a bar and asks for a drink.  The bartender, suspecting the utensil of being way to young to be in the bar, let alone trying to buy alcohol, asks for ID.  Lowering his tines in embarrassment, the fork says, “I’m not old enough to have a license but if you let me stay, I think I could be very helpful to you or some of your customers.”  “And why would that be?” the bartender asks sarcastically.  “Well, I’d come in very handy when people need to eat their words.”

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Is that worth more than two glasses on the bar?  Read how to cast your vote.

This Sailor walks into a bar

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I’ve featured a lot of inanimate objects in my jokes so far, but not today.  We’re talking a real live person, a sailor to be more precise.  You know, this just might be the first in a series of armed forces humor.

This Sailor walks into a bar with a notebook in his hand.  He sits at a table by an open window and suddenly starts tearing pages out of the book and throwing them through the opening where they’re carried away by a stiff breeze.  Seeing him motion for a server to take his order, the bartender steps from behind the bar and walks up to the table.

“Bring me a pitcher of dark beer” the sailor says.  The bartender, himself a former Navy man, says reluctantly, “Sorry mate, I can’t serve you.  You’re already three sheets to the wind.”

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Step up to the bar and cast your vote.  How many glasses on the bar does this deserve?

This Camera walks into a bar

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My only goal when I woke up this morning was to get out of bed but that didn’t last long.  Suddenly a to do list started forming in my head and the blogs I hadn’t posted to in a while, like this one, were right at the top of the list.  My photography was on the list too (which allows me to shamelessly plug Bloomsations and More) and suddenly this strange picture developed in my now, wide awake mind.

This Camera walks into a bar and everyone turns and stares at him.  He pans the room in a flash, then focuses on the bartender and snaps, “Take a picture, it lasts longer.”

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It’s Glasses on the Bar time…read how to vote this joke.

This Hat walks into a bar

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An NHL player slaps a puck into the net for the third time in a game and thousands of hats float onto the ice; a graduating class is presented to friends and family as caps are tossed joyfully into the air; and in moments of solemn reflection, hats are removed and held over the heart.  But a hat can’t walk into a bar, can it?

This hat walks into a bar and jumps up on a bar stool, calling out to the bartender, “How ya doin’ Mac?”  He gives the barkeep his order and pushes himself back on the stool to relax after a hard day’s work.  Just as his eyes slip shut, the sound of his drink glass being placed on the bar startles him.  He jerks up straight, loses his balance and tumbles off onto the floor.  The bartender runs around the bar to make sure he’s OK and then starts laughing uncontrollably at the site of the poor little hat on the floor.

He picks himself up off the ground, dusts off his brim and snickers at the bartender while climbing back onto his seat.  “Well, I guess that’s one rumor about you we can put to rest,” he says with a tease in his voice.  “What are you talking about?” the bartender replies.  “That you’ve got such a sour disposition, a team of comedians couldn’t get a chuckle out of you” the hat retorted.  “We know that can’t be true because you just laughed at the drop of a hat.”

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Time to set up glasses on the bar.  Read how to vote.