Category Archives: Food and Drink

This School Bus Walks Into a Bar

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Long, long ago, in a joke not too far away, Five Amigos walked into a bar and, as they say, the rest is history.  Actually, only three of the five have had their stories etched in the annals of bygone times but now, that’s about to change.

This school bus walks into a bar, orders a Shirley Temple, and stands off to the side waiting for his drink.  Quickly prepared, the beverage is placed on the bar and the large conveyance takes a sip but doesn’t move toward sitting down.  “Want a seat?” the bartender asks.  The transport looks up from his drink and says, “No thanks, I’ve got plenty.”

 

 

 

How many Glasses on the Bar do you give this joke?  Need help…check out how to vote.

This Snickers walks into a bar

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There have been several jokes to hit these pages with a Food & Drink twist but this is the first one featuring a candy bar, and it just happens to be one of my all time favorites.

This Snicker’s walks into a bar and sits down to order a drink. The guy on the bar stool next to him leans over without warning and bites the snack in half. He chews, swallows, smiles, and then turns to his friend and says, “The commercial’s right, that satisfies.”

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Vote the Joke…how many glasses on the bar would you give us for this joke?

P.S.  Rumor has it that the community at Mars Chocolate was so touched by the this little bar’s misfortune, that they developed a new product in his honor… Snickers Bites.

Another P.S.  A  Big Shout Outto Christopher (Domain.com) for his IT help on the site.

This Chicken Lover walks into a bar

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Almost as soon as I got the idea for this joke, I ran into a problem because there didn’t seem like a way to come up with a punch line.  It was like staring at a recipe and realizing I didn’t have the key ingredient.  And then, like the pop of chicken dropping into hot grease, it hit me…

This Chicken Lover walks into a bar with a couple dozen of his friends.  The bartender steps out from behind the bar, as if to greet them, but instead, scoops them up into a mixing bowl and carries them to the kitchen.  He quickly adds an egg wash, gives them a good flour coating, and then drops the whole bunch into a fryer.  A few minutes later, he’s proudly serving happy hour appetizers.  One of the patrons in the bar, screams out, “You can’t serve those, that’s cannibalism.”  “No it ain’t,” says the mixologist.  “There’s a misspelled word at the start of this joke.  These are chicken livers.”

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It’s glasses on the bar time!  Read how to vote.

This Bird Feeder walks into a bar

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Funny how jokes come about.  After my wife and I recently bought a bird feeder for our yard, and enjoyed watching the visiting birds, I got the idea that a bird feeder could walk into a bar.  Makes sense, doesn’t it?

This bird feeder walks into a bar and asks for a Passenger Pigeon. “Sorry”, the bartender says, “We don’t serve seedy types like you.”

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This Celestial Body walks into a bar

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While trying to find out when the ‘walks into a bar’ joke genre began, I discovered that they have a page on Wikipedia.  The subject of this type of joke, according to the article, can be a man or woman, a famous person, people of various occupations, animals, and even inanimate objects.  We couldn’t agree more which might explain today’s subject.

This celestial body walks into a bar without a penny to his name and orders a pitcher of beer and four different appetizers.  The server brings everything ordered and says, “That will be $39 please.”  Between bites the planetoid calmly replies, “I don’t have any money.”  The bar manager, overhearing their exchange, immediately heads to the table and asks in a loud and angry voice, “If you couldn’t pay, why did you order all this food and beer?”  The heavenly sphere, clearly enjoying his food, looks up and says, “I figured after I ate everything you’d be happy and then it wouldn’t make any difference that I couldn’t pay.”  The bar manager, clearly bewildered, shakes his head and says, “And why in the world would you think that”  The glowing orb looked up and said, “Well, doesn’t everyone enjoy seeing a full moon?”

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Time to count up the glasses on the bar for this!  Read the voting scale

 

 

 

This Ripe Cantaloupe walks into a bar

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If you read my last post, you’ll know the creative juices were flowing enough to wonder what would happen if an acronym walked into a bar.  Well, I haven’t squeezed everything out of my mind yet and the joke’s still mostly pulp, so I decided to retreat to the archives and share one of the jokes I wrote before launching this site.

This ripe cantaloupe walks into a bar and hops onto a stool. Before she can even order, a white and sable, long-haired dog comes out of nowhere, and in two bites swallows the sweet little fruit. The dog, turns and shuffles back to its seat with the glummest look anyone in the bar has ever seen.

The bartender turns to one of his customers and says, “I’ve never seen a mutt do that. Wonder what type of dog it is.” The guy at the bar, who happens to be an animal doctor, puts down his drink and replies, “I’ve seen loads of them. That’s a melon collie.”

Vote for this joke – How many bar glasses do you give it?

My First Post

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On my Facebook page dedicated to ‘Walks Into a Bar’ jokes, I’ve already shared the stories of a plush toy cow, an oyster and a pearl, an apathetic man, a little girl, and a box of paper clips, but that’s not my first joke for this blog.  That honor goes to…

A Cereal Bar from Trader Joe’s

Trader Joe’s has a line of cereal bars and I picked up the apple box expecting to find the punch line of the joke somewhere on the wrapper of the bar.  I was disappointed when no such funny ending was found but at least I enjoyed the snack.  My wife pointed out that the real joke was the name of the food item…This apple walks into a bar (cereal bar, that is).  Seemed to me though the store had made a big mistake by not writing jokes for each fruit flavor and I chose to do something about it.

What Happened Next

I emailed Trader Joe’s with my first joke and offered to write them for each variety of cereal bar they produced.  I received a polite response which left me thinking my next career would probably not be writing jokes for a supermarket chain and shortly thereafter, the idea to go social happened.  Here is that first joke.

So this apple walks into a bar and sits next to this beautiful blonde. He looks at her and says, “Hey sweet thing, you’re a peach I could sink my teeth into.” “And you”, the blonde replied sarcastically, “are rotten to the core.”

In retrospect, I think it could have been written better and maybe I’ll reintroduce the joke later.  From the apple bar, I moved on to another flavor, but that’s a post for another day.