This cardiac specialist walks into a bar and tells the bartender he needs the strongest drink they have because of a potential work overload he’s facing, due to some terrible news he just learned at church. Concerned, and a little confused, the mixologist asks him what he heard.
“The church is hosting a Christmas carol event later this week”, he began, as tears started to pour down his cheeks, “and one of my friends told me it was very likely that people would be singing their hearts out.”
We were having some yard improvement work done by M.K.B. Lawn Care and, as is often the case, I was trying to be funny with the crew. Unfortunately, I wasn’t having much success, so I thought I’d focus on my specialty. I told one of the guys I was going to work on coming up with a ‘walks into a bar’ joke on what they were installing. In less than 10 seconds, he came up with a joke, which I’ve just slightly modified below.
This load of pea gravel walks into a bar and takes a seat. When the server arrives and asks what he’d like to drink, the landscape feature shakes his head and says, “Just bring me some chicken wings. If I drink anything now, it will go right through me.”
I’ve written jokes about some pretty strange things walking into a bar, such as a rake; a tube of lipstick; and a tape dispenser; so you probably won’t be surprised to learn that a computer mouse has already been featured here. But that little critter was part of the Five Amigos, while today’s techie is in a world all her own.
This computer mouse walks into the bar, orders a drink and then jumps up on the counter and starts controlling everything in the room.
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Can I Tickle Your Fancy with Some Other Funnies?
So what’s a guy to do when his wife is eating a huge salad for lunch and they’re watching depressing news about the Covid-19 situation? Simple, he takes some of her ingredients and creates a joke out of them.
Since you’re already here, lettuce show you around a little…
You may admire the beautiful deck over the garage at your friend’s home but probably never give any consideration to what life must be like for these great household features. Well., I’ve got news for you…it’s not always rosy as you’ll see in today’s story when…
This balcony walks into a bar and steps toward the bartender. Suddenly, these two people march in front of it and order their drinks. When the balcony is able to order again, a young couple pushes it aside and then put in their drink requests. This keeps happening until finally, the bartender says, “You need to stand up for yourself and take charge.” And the balcony says, “It’s ok, I’m used to it, people walk all over me regularly.”
Well now that I’ve told you how challenging life as a balcony can be, I imagine you’ll want to find a platform where you can tell the world about this issue. To help, there’s a link to this article on our Facebook page, so you can get the word out. And, don’t forget to vote…check out these easy ‘how-to’s‘ if you’re unsure about the process.
Our first responders are, thankfully, always there for us but sometimes, like in today’s story, the emergency turns out differently than they expected. But it all started when…
This EMT Walks Into a Bar and is startled to see a woman lying on the floor and no one showing any concern. Rushing toward her to help, he asks the bartender over his shoulder, “Any idea what the lady’s problem is?” The man drawing beer, says, “Oh she just fell for a pick-up line.”
Time to Vote
Before you vote, hop on over to this Google search page of ‘Tributes to First Responders’ and check out some of the great things said about these wonderful people. Then, if you don’t know how our voting works, check out this helpful page.
Today marks another WIN for me in the W.I.A.B. Challenge. Seven submissions so far and three jokes completed puts me at a 42% success ratio and I’m not done yet. But now, all I can say to Chrissy, my latest challenger, is…
This Rake Walks Into a Bar and buys a round for everyone in the house. The owner walks up and starts thanking him profusely for his generosity and then tells his patrons who they can thank for their liquid surprise. Amazed by this act of sharing with strangers and appreciating the joy he’s evenly distributed around the pub, the customers start applauding and cheering, but the little scraper stands and says, “Please, it’s no big deal. I’ve made it my life’s work to spread things around.”
Time to Vote
When you’re done laughing, hope you’ll take a moment and place some glasses on the bar as your way of voting. Need to learn more about how to vote?
And if you want to find out when new jokes are completed and I’m victorious again, use the sign up form (near the top of the page) to get updates.
Usually, makeup is found in the bathroom. Occasionally, it might accompany you in the car, especially on longer excursions. But you’ll not find it out shopping by itself, attending a concert, or standing in line waiting to vote in an election. But having a drink now and then is another story so I wasn’t surprised when…
This Lipstick Tube Walked into a Bar and ordered a round of drinks for the house. As the guests were being served and learned of their benefactor, they stood and applauded the cosmetic specialist. The bartender let her know the tab, and a look of embarrassment and horror suddenly crossed her face as she realized her wallet was at home. She immediately called everyone’s attention to her situation and began explaining, in meticulous details, not only the current humiliating story but others that had plagued her through-out the years. The bartender finally said, “Stop! Why are you going on and on?” The tube looked up and replied, “Because I’m not the type that just glosses over things.”
When the laughing ends, voting starts! Don’t know how…check out our simple instructions and then vote your heart.
Everyone knows that bars keep a supply of eating utensils for their guests, but did you know there was a set of cutlery that stopped regularly at their favorite alehouse for a drink? One night, though, something happened when…
This Knife and Spoon Walk Into a Bar and the bartender, used to seeing the full set of silverware together, says, “Where’s your four pronged friend?” “Oh,” the sharper of the two replies, “we passed a sign and he got out of the car to help the fork in the road.”
Hope you’ve had your laugh for the day and are ready to vote for this joke. Check out the process to get started and then maybe check out one of these other Laughter Categories…
Unlike my five most recent subjects of walks into a bar jokes, a daily deals coupon; computer mouse; tape dispenser; school bus; and urinal, most people would agree that a duck can, of course, walk into a bar. I obviously think the others can too, but that’s what sets me slightly apart from some of my readers. What humanity might not expect is for any bird to actually strut it’s stuff into a drinking establishment. But that’s exactly what happened, so be prepared for your wings to flap hilariously as…
This Duck Walks Into a Bar and orders his favorite drink. The server delivers the beverage to the table and the duck looks up at him and says, “Excuse me, could I get another glass…this one’s quacked.”
Hope that was all I quacked it up to be and that you’re ready to vote. Check out how to make sure your ballot is counted and then get to work.